wink

Do you know anyone who winks? I do. I don’t think I have ever winked at anyone. But I have a few buddies who are wink-ers. Usually, just before I am about to do something that makes me incredibly nervous, (like singing in church), one of them will throw me a quick wink.  At a moment like that, a wink says to me “bring it.” It’s a little dose of encouragement.  I am convinced they have no idea what that does inside me.

Do you want to know something? I believe God is winking at us.

follower

I am so grateful for relationships.  I need them.  I need people to help me along this journey.  I need men of God who will shake me up a bit when I need shaken, encourage me when I need a lift, and laugh with me when I do something stupid.  This post is about that kind of friend.

thought-quake

Ever have a thought that, once you though it, so changed your thinking that you can never go back to the days before that thought?  I have.  Just recently.  At the mens’ retreat for GCC last weekend.

Voices

Around Christmas last year I received an incredible gift. Someone I don’t even know gave me a copy of The Bible Experience. It is a reading of the New Testament with background orchestrations and sound effects. It’s amazing. You really feel like you are… uh… experiencing the Bible.

For the last two weeks I have been listening to the Gospel of John. It is read by LaVar Burton. And since I have been known to be a closet Trekie, I remember him well from the Next Generation days as Geordi La Forge. Ah… memories… (Don’t you DARE make fun of his… his… vision enhancer. and NO it’s not a banana comb with gold spray paint. gimme a break.) ANYWAY….

He provides an incredible rendering of the voice of John. Because I knew his voice, I was immediately drawn to listen to the entire book. I don’t know who plays Jesus, or how this project was even recorded. What I mean is, where the actors all standing in the same room reading their parts and interacting? Probably not. But it sure sounds like they were. The interaction is amazing.

Hearing the pages of John’s Gospel read by such talent brings a depth and intimacy with the events that are recorded like I have not experienced before. I listened as Jesus healed people and the sound of a crowd gasping in surprise. I listened as Jesus washed the disciples feet, talked of His death, and then goes on and on for chapters pouring out of His heart incredible teaching. I sighed with Him as He said, “I have so much more to say to you. It is more than you can handle right now.” (16.12) It’s as if He has so much to share with them, knowing He won’t be with them much longer, that He just can’t stop talking. (I can relate to THAT!) When He sighs, you can hear in his voice that He just wants to teach more, give more, share more.

I listened as He was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane. I listened as the mob of people shouted for His crucifixion. I listened as John, struggling to complete his sentences, talked about what it was like to watch Him die.

Something very curious struck me all through John’s retelling. He always refers to himself as ‘the disciple whom Jesus loved.” I always thought that was kinda arrogant. Like he was saying “I, John, Me, guy whose writing this… was the disciple Jesus loved.” Like he wanted to separate himself from the rest by that designation. This was inaccurate I believe. If you really listen to John and how he told the stories of Jesus’ healing, the accusations towards Him by religious leaders, and what he picked to tell us about Him, I don’t think John was piously puffed up when he referred to himself that way. And I have Lavar to thank.

I believe it’s more like John felt it would be too… presumptuous to say “I” saw this or that, or “I” laid my head on Jesus chest at the table, or “I” was the only one who was there when Jesus was crucified. That would have made him stand out in contrast with the other disciples. Instead, he refers to himself in the 3rd person as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” generically. After all, didn’t Jesus love all of His disciples?

Lavar gives this little uncomfortable pause and catch in his voice each time he, as John, is referring to himself that way. And I have to wonder: Because John was leaning on Jesus at the last supper and seemed affectionately close to Jesus, did that make him even more aware of the Heart of Jesus? Because Peter, when Jesus told him of the kind of death he was going to die, said “What about this man?” referring to John, I have to wonder if Peter’s personality was a bit miffed at John always hanging on Jesus. I don’t know for sure. But why is John’s Gospel so different from the others? Why does it start off so… poetically? And why is John the one whom Jesus reveals such mind-warping visions to him that it became the final book in the Bible?

I love the Bible. Sometimes all it does is raise more questions. But for there to be questions, there must be something we believe underneath. If we didn’t believe anything, would we ask any questions? Aren’t we just trying to reconcile what we believe with what we don’t believe in comparison to what we read?

It was humbling to hear from John this way. I know it was read by an actor and we don’t really know if John himself would have said things precisely that way. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wondering. Especially if it makes me want to lay my head against Jesus and listen to His heartbeat for a while.

1500ft deeper

Last fall at the GCC men’s retreat, Mark Beeson taught from Ezekiel chapters 1, 10, 37, and 47. I was challenged in my walk with Christ, no doubt. But I had no idea just how deep that challenge would go.